Watch out, bad guy. I don’t know if you’ve noticed how annoying people can be? On the whole, it must be recognized that 3/4 of the population are made up of big dorks. Why ? Because they have a lot of unbearable little quirks, tics, flaws, mannerisms, and it’s starting to do well. We chose 25, we could have taken 100, so much this segment of the population that we call “the others” are nutcrackers. Do not hesitate to tell us in the comments what pisses you off at your cousins humans, we give up.
1. Make quotation marks with your fingers
Contents
- 1 1. Make quotation marks with your fingers
- 2 2. Whistle completely randomly
- 3 3. Asking in line “Are you waiting in line?”
- 4 4. Saying we’re not hungry then asking if we can taste what you’re eating
- 5 5. Share the exploits of your kids on the networks
- 6 6. Trying to comfort someone by talking about their own unrelated problems.
- 7 7. Finish all your written sentences with emojis
- 8 8. Say “you don’t know what you’re missing” when the other refuses something
- 9 9. Justify his behavior by his astrological sign
- 10 10. Asking “What are you doing here?” to an acquaintance in a public place (La Poste, station platform, etc.)
- 11 11. Walking your dog with a leash that is too long
- 12 12. Talking to people without knowing them
- 13 13. Share your Spotify top in an Insta story
- 14 14. Starting to queue at the supermarket checkout when you haven’t quite finished shopping
- 15 15. Stay left on escalators
- 16 16. Singing in public places
- 17 17. Behave on public transport like at grandma’s house
- 18 18. Use panzer buggies that take up all the space
- 19 19. Talking about his “values” to talk about his ideas, his principles, his mood and the consistency of his poo
- 20 20. The guys who stop in the middle of the sidewalk, who zigzag, who restart when you pass them
- 21 21. Motorists who honk their horns
- 22 22. Put the sausage and nutella in the fridge
- 23 23. People (old people?) passing you in line with their heads down, like they didn’t see you
- 24 24. Using the word “impact”
- 25 25. Talk to your kid like a dog
- 26 26. (bonus) Talk to your dog like a kid
And say “in parentheses”.
2. Whistle completely randomly
Making up the melody as you go, to sound relaxed and cool.
3. Asking in line “Are you waiting in line?”
In case we stagnate in a row of onions in front of toilets for pure pleasure.
4. Saying we’re not hungry then asking if we can taste what you’re eating
So one is no, you can go fuck yourself. And two, take this as a life lesson about choice, doubt, regret, what you want, but let me eat my fries in peace.
Okay Matteo managed to draw a house, okay Matteo ate well, okay Matteo manages to shit all by himself in the pot, but you have already imagined for a single moment that we didn’t give a fuck ?
Eh beh, I understand better why you transplanted your license of psycho.
7. Finish all your written sentences with emojis
In case we didn’t get the joke.
8. Say “you don’t know what you’re missing” when the other refuses something
Well yes, I know what I’m missing, and that’s why I refuse. Brussels sprouts have always been disgusting, I don’t see why it would become good the day I decide not to eat it.
9. Justify his behavior by his astrological sign
So it’s because your moon is in Aquarius that you pee on the toilet seat?
10. Asking “What are you doing here?” to an acquaintance in a public place (La Poste, station platform, etc.)
Well you see, I prostitute myself. What do you think, Einstein?
11. Walking your dog with a leash that is too long
10 meters of leash on a sidewalk 3m wide… No? Doesn’t it hit?
12. Talking to people without knowing them
Repugnant. What about propriety? Stop being familiar with everything.
If we were really interested in what you were listening to in your little headphones, you can imagine that we would have asked you sooner.
14. Starting to queue at the supermarket checkout when you haven’t quite finished shopping
And leave his cart in the way to mark his position.
15. Stay left on escalators
And don’t move your ass. While everyone knows that on the left is the expressway.
16. Singing in public places
Die die die carrion. (People who sing in public places are the first cause of homicide in France. We read it on the Internet.)
17. Behave on public transport like at grandma’s house
Seriously, was it that urgent to paint your toenails, to share the different stages of your gastro on the phone, to eat your p*** of Greek?
18. Use panzer buggies that take up all the space
The reluctant young parents who believe they have absolute immunity, we see you.
19. Talking about his “values” to talk about his ideas, his principles, his mood and the consistency of his poo
Empty a word of its meaning to make it a catch-all concept and use it more than necessary.
20. The guys who stop in the middle of the sidewalk, who zigzag, who restart when you pass them
We call it pavement zombies, guys who didn’t understand that they weren’t alone and that the sidewalk didn’t belong to them.
21. Motorists who honk their horns
The assholes who honk like trepanned as soon as a guy brakes in front of them, we should send them to the galleys.
22. Put the sausage and nutella in the fridge
In life, there are certain values to respect, otherwise it’s anarchy. On the other hand, mustard and pickles go in the fridge, it seems obvious.
23. People (old people?) passing you in line with their heads down, like they didn’t see you
Listen to me Grandma Tromblon, I’m this close to putting you on a good crutch, so you come back behind me wisely and everything will be fine.
24. Using the word “impact”
If you are one of these people, you can immediately close this window. But know that we will find you. And we’ll punch our fist in your nose.
25. Talk to your kid like a dog
If he pisses you off so much, buy a dwarf rabbit and stop yelling at your kid.
26. (bonus) Talk to your dog like a kid
There’s nothing sadder than talking about your dog like it’s a kid. Why not give him a coat while we’re at it?