Top 15 things we learned thanks to the Elyze app, the Tinder of candidates for…

Nothing to do with the fact that my name is the same as this objectively awesome app. But I spent some time on it in recent days to find out who I was going to be able to vote for in the next presidential election. Result, I still hesitate between Asselineau and Poutou, but above all, I came across a little too dark corners of the app. I learned all the little secrets of the 2022 candidates and I am proud to share them with you today to help you make your choice.

2. Emmanuelle Macron has a secret passion for cordon bleu

I imagine that suddenly, he has a lot of magnets from the French departments Le Gaulois… Ok, Manu, we make a deal, my vote against Maine-et-Loire-, Bas-Rhin and Corse du Nord, you say what? I’m sending you my mailing address in DM.

3. Fabien Roussel’s favorite dish is herring potato salad

Ah bah too funny, I love this dish too, but without herring and with pasta and Gruyère instead of potatoes. Happy Fab app!

4. In 1981 and 1988, Éric Zemmour voted for Mitterrand

Perhaps the most surprising news of this top. On the verge of telling you that he once sang the Internationale in 3rd grade to impress a little girl. Crazy boy.

5. Anne Hidalgo makes us believe that her real first name is Anne but in fact it is Ana

Ok Anne, or should I say Ana now, we don’t know, it’s not very fair play of you to fool us like that. But Ana, it reminds us of the heat and the aperitifs, so we’ll skip it this time, but it’s the last, you know.

6. François Asselineau created his own Wikipedia page in 2007

Nah, but he’s right to be ambitious, sometimes you have to take initiatives to succeed in life, congratulations François. A clap for him please.

7. Nathalie Artaud wanted to become a hairdresser

No but yes, there is something in the style, we can only agree. The neat boyish cut, the neat little fade… Another wasted career, that’s for sure!

8. Nicolas Dupont-Aignan had very bad grades in 4th grade

Bah then Nico, are we having a fair with his little friends from the back of the class? We didn’t know you like that, said. You will have to change your behavior next term if you want the encouragement of the class council.

9. Yannick Jadot’s children are fans of Kev Adams

There are people who have to sacrifice themselves for the happiness of others and Yannick’s children follow in their father’s footsteps. A big thank you to them, what would France be without this kind of service to the country? Look forward to voting for them in the presidential election of 2042.

10. Marine Le Pen has 11 cats

Yeah I know, Karine Le Marchand was ahead of me on that one, we can’t always have scoops you know. I need to rest too, okay?

11. Arnaud Montebourg received a 120-kilo mirror on his head in 2015 by preventing his wife from taking it

I think that if there is a guy to whom we can pass the cause of violence against women, it’s him. We have our man.

12. Jean-Luc Mélanchon’s favorite series is A Guy, A Girl

Ahhhh, there I recognize my Jean-Luc, everything in the exchange, the passion, the sharing. He would have told me House of Cards, I wouldn’t have picked it up.

13. Florian Philippot skipped ENA lessons to play Mario Kart

Ok Florian, but do you know which of Wario or Waluigi is the fastest, and how to avoid a blue shell 10 meters from the finish? Because if that’s the case, I don’t think it’s in your program to teach us these tips, so not very nice of you.

14. Philippe Poutou is a big fan of Bérurier Noir

Uh no, Bérurier Noir is not at all a group of punks from Rennes, they come from Paris first, and then we have never seen them at the interceltic festival of Lorient, so stop judging in fact. Congratulations my Philou for your unconventional tastes, you’re not a sheep in fact.

15. At 15, Valérie Pécresse participated in a communist camp to learn Russian

Oula Valérie, and oh, don’t tell us stuff like that, we weren’t ready. Go slower next time.

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