Top 15 best tweets from @Sick_Sad_Me_

Live each squeegee as if it were the last.

— Sick Sad Me (@Sick_Sad_Me_) October 16, 2016

One of my neighbors, an old lady, just told me that she liked the new incense used by the cleaning service to deodorize the landings. It was so cute that I didn’t even dare to tell him that in fact, what we smelled was the smell of hash.

— Sick Sad Me (@Sick_Sad_Me_) January 9, 2018

But why does everyone who’s never watched Game of Thrones think anyone else gives a fuck? https://t.co/jPdFqg8nT2

— Sick Sad Me (@Sick_Sad_Me_) April 14, 2019

I’m not saying that “Santa Claus” is rotten, I’m just saying that “Gandalf the Red” would be a lot more classy.

— Sick Sad Me (@Sick_Sad_Me_) December 24, 2017

Me *starts typing in the search bar*: The of…

Netflix: Wait! Tell me no more. What you want is… The Office (US)

I do !!!

Netflix: Yes!

Me: Do you have it?

Netflix: No.

— Sick Sad Me (@Sick_Sad_Me_) January 5, 2018

I downloaded an app that allows you to scan your food and it totally changed the way I eat. That is to say, before I ate stuff thinking it was probably shit, whereas now I eat stuff knowing it’s shit.

— Sick Sad Me (@Sick_Sad_Me_) August 6, 2018

And if, in fact, from the beginning, we were the extraterrestrials and that in Area 51 the last earthlings still alive were hidden from us.

— Sick Sad Me (@Sick_Sad_Me_) July 28, 2019

Whoever coined the phrase “Fight fire with fire” would surely have been a rotten Pokémon trainer.

— Sick Sad Me (@Sick_Sad_Me_) June 8, 2018

I often bleed from my nose

According to my mother: I blow my nose too much
Doctissimo: It’s a cerebral hemorrhage
Netflix: I Have Psychic Powers

— Sick Sad Me (@Sick_Sad_Me_) December 27, 2016

Anguish: How we meet again!
Panic: Hey, hey, hey!
Insomnia: Hi!
Me: *take homeopathic medicine for anxiety*
Homeopathic Medoc: Calm down friends.

— Sick Sad Me (@Sick_Sad_Me_) December 18, 2017

00:00: Come on, sleep.
03:00: If we ask Pinocchio something he can’t know, like “Does God exist?”, he answers “Yes” and his nose grows, does that mean that God isn’t or does that count as a lie because he can’t know?

— Sick Sad Me (@Sick_Sad_Me_) September 19, 2018

I don’t want to offend anyone or argue for argument’s sake, but after more than twenty years of observation, I think I can say that Santa Claus has a big preference for rich kids.

— Sick Sad Me (@Sick_Sad_Me_) December 25, 2017

If the Mon Chéri ad was honest, we would see a guy being offered it and giving it an insincere “Thank you” then passing it on to an uncle who would pass it on to his cousin, the cousin to the grandmother and so on. follow up to the person who would find these horrors edible

— Sick Sad Me (@Sick_Sad_Me_) November 29, 2018