We know only too well that becoming a parent means entering a world apart that no longer really resembles the one we knew before deciding to reproduce. And who says new world, says new language with weird words that don’t really have any meaning for those who don’t have their noses in it. We’re going to help you decipher all that a bit, because we’re nice people at Topito, altruists and everything (yeah).
1. A quirky baby
When we say that a baby is “out of step”, it does not mean that he puts himself in a corner of the room so as not to obstruct the passage, eh, it means that he is out of step with life normal, like he sleeps during the day and not at night, he eats continuously H-24 and not every 3-4 hours, that sort of thing. A quirky baby, you have to reset it if you want to try to find a more or less normal life (and sleep, too. Especially sleep in fact.)
2. Turn the baby over
So yes, it’s pretty easy to pick up, it means the baby turns around, so far it’s pretty easy to understand. But saying that “the baby MUST turn around” means above all that it would be nice of him to put him upside down in his mother’s womb before delivery, to avoid some inconvenience (like a cesarean for example, we have known more fun as a moment to live).
3. Do haptonomy
So no, I’ll stop you right away, haptonomy is not a new fashionable sport or a somewhat dark musical current found in a hippie community in the depths of the Creuse. In truth, haptonomy is birth preparation sessions that allow parents to “communicate” with their baby in utero.
4. Rehabilitate the perineum
Before having a child, few people knew the name of this small muscle which still has a good role to play in our body (especially to prevent us from pissing on ourselves, it’s still very practical). So why does it need to be re-educated? Not because he slams the door of his room and yells that he wants to have his own apartment like a teenager in the middle of a crisis, but because he takes a lot to give birth and what to do with little sessions of muscu can help keep you from pissing yourself the next few times you have a giggle. You don’t know how we do it? That’s good, we have all the advice to strengthen your perineum.
5. Having a baby GERD
It doesn’t mean that your baby is a Star Wars robot or a secret agent, or whatever else those acronyms might mean when you don’t know what they are. In truth, having a GERD baby means that your kid has Gastro-Oesophageal Reflux, and that he disgusts all your t-shirts after each bottle.
For these seats, there is no imitation leather option available, sorry not sorry. Being in a breech means that your baby isn’t too busy to put his head down in your uterus, that he prefers to stay across your belly and that he spoils the party a little, because There is a way that he will be released from the premises by caesarean section if he does not decide to move.
7. Having clogged milk phores
It sounds like we’re talking about something out of science fiction, like a blocked galactic gate or something. In reality, having clogged galactophores means that the channels used to transport breast milk to the breasts are clogged, that it hurts like hell, and that it pisses everyone off (especially your kid who has trouble eat suddenly).
8. Remove cradle cap
We knew the word “crust” (which is the ugliest word in the world), we knew the word “milk”, but then “milk crust” is a bit mysterious. In fact, it is a kind of dandruff that babies can have on their heads, and its name is due to the resemblance it can have to milk that has dried on a hot hob. Charming.
9. Having diaper returns
That doesn’t mean that we take a big pack of diapers (dirty or not eh), in the face, it quite simply means that it’s the return of the periods after having laid a little heir, they who were at the subscribers absent since the start of pregnancy. It’s also the moment that means you can officially get pregnant again, yay yay (no).
10. Acquire cleanliness
And not “acquiring the property”, which is totally different. Being “clean” for a child means that he will do his little things on a pot and no longer in his diaper. It doesn’t mean he was dirty before either, huh, but that’s the term used, it’s not me who makes the rules my little lady.
11. Having thrush
When you read or hear the word “lily of the valley”, you think of flowers, the smell, the deodorant for toilets, the holiday, or go, at worst, to the demonstrations of May 1st. But do we really think it’s actually the name of some kind of yucky fungus that babies have in their mouths? No. And yet!
Or “co-sleeping” for those who are crazy about using English words when they had 7/20 in English at the baccalaureate, it simply means “sleeping with your baby”, like in the same bed ( if you manage to get into his crib, I would like a photo), or by putting the divine child in the parental bed (to destroy any chance of quickly making him a little sister or a little brother).
13. Wean the baby
No, that doesn’t mean the baby is a heavy drug addict who has to go to rehab to get off the drug, it actually means the baby has to gradually stop nipping at his mother’s worn nipple. But when you don’t know, you quickly imagine strange things.