The horoscope is over, now to know what you are worth, you have to speak in months of the year. Luckily we consulted a specialist who told us everything, you’ll see it’s amazing.
1. February
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You never liked life and we can’t blame you. People are all depressed in February and no one comes to your birthday party, plus hopefully you only celebrate your birthday every 4 years which means you age less quickly and you die after all your close, alone, a bit like Highlander. It’s hot.
2. January
The long corridor of raclettes and meat from Graubünden only painfully hides the hellish month of January. The natives of this month are often sickly and rickety people who survive on Earth more than they live. Usually the Janvierist listens to RTL and scratches his balls at the table, a real nightmare.
3. November
Novemberists are quite gentle and beautiful people, unfortunately they are stricken with a sticky melancholy that sticks with them for life. They wander like Dementors in the streets convinced that no one will ever understand them, which is somewhat true. They are surely the most interesting people in the world but no one will ever know.
4. March
The Marsians are unbearable. The kind of guy who picks you up at a party because you tell him that Standing on the Shoulder of Giants by Oasis came out before Heathen Chemistry and who tells you that you’re wrong even when you show him the Wikipedia page. That’s it, this kind of big fdp.
5. April
Just like their month, the aprilists are a bit false, a bit double. At first glance you come across friendly people, relatively well dressed, who go to badminton every Wednesday, have an annual subscription to their small art house cinema (they never go) but that’s is in appearance. April is sold as a spring month but we know it especially for its showers, Aprilists are the same. Behind their apparent banality, they are vicious, passive-aggressive manipulators who do a lot of harm. (Yes I have an ex who was born in April, sorry.)
6. September
The Septembrists have a little problem with urban music but apart from that they are civilized people, who watch what they eat even if as soon as they have had a little drink they end up at McDo with 3 sandwiches on their tray and curly fries. Their passable studies earned them a small, cushy job in a medium-sized company specializing in the transport of reams of paper. They are very bad players.
7. June
The Juneists have to deal with very dry skin, especially at the elbows, but apart from that they have a good life. Often more beautiful than the average, the Juneists lack a bit of self-confidence, which is a shame given their potential. Most Juneists are very gifted with their hands and there are many of them in the field of cabinetmaking.
8. August
Augustists (not to be confused with Augustians) are victims of a curse that causes their mail to go astray all the time. A study claims that they only receive 75% of the parcels addressed to them. The Augustists never say clearly whether or not they come to a party and on Facebook they are always in Maybe which is unbearable.
July 9th
In July do what you please, and that the Julyists know it well. They are the biggest hedonists the calendar has ever had. A Juillettist loves life and wants to make it known. Yes, you can call it a fat hippie. Besides, the ZAZ poster in the toilet should have put you on the right track.
10. December
December is surely the best month of the year but the Decembrists are not in the best position because they talk too much about it and that’s a real problem. And then this annoying habit of taxing cigarettes without asking is annoying. Afterwards, we can’t blame them, they are a little on edge since they celebrate Christmas and their birthday in a few days, they spend the next 11 months without anyone to give them presents. It’s very sad when you think about it.
11. May
Superior IQ, irreproachable taste in clothing, the month of May is one of the best months to give birth. It seems that the natives of the 5th month can talk to dragonflies (a dark story of elven blood I didn’t quite understand). Still, guys born on June 1 must have it a little bad.
12. October
They are the best teams
Es sind die allerbesten Mannschaften
The main event
Die Meister
Die Besten
The big teams
The champions
A big meeting
Eine grosse sportliche Veranstaltung
The main event
They are the best
Sie sind die Besten
These are the champions
Die Meister
Die Besten
The big teams
The champions