Top 10 truths to know about the first months of a child, go good luck

Are you pregnant, or you have just given birth or your gow has just given birth and you still naively think that the first months of your child in your sweet home will be nothing but love and daily joy? Sorry to smash your dreams, but the truth is, you’re going to be pissed off. Literally. You will never look at hats the same way again.

1. During the first month, he is only a digestive tract

Concretely, he eats, and he poops, a lot. That’s it that’s all. Between the two, he cries and he sleeps. Great what. Not really the time to bond. Big advantage: it doesn’t make you drunk with the typical foods that all children hate.

top 10 truths to know about the first months of a child, go good luck

2. A newborn baby sleeps nearly 20 hours a day.

But it’s not 20 hours all at once, otherwise it’s too easy. No, it’s slices of 5 minutes, 1 hour, 3 hours, etc. It varies from one kid to another, and it gives you absolutely no time to rest, when you really need it after having expelled a 3kg roast. That said, if you’re struggling, we also give you the best tips for getting an infant to sleep.

3. When he’s not sleeping, he cries

He cries when he’s hungry, when he’s tired, when he realizes he’s not in your womb anymore, when he has a stomach ache, when you change him, when you bath him, when you dress him , when you want to sleep… Nice what.

top 10 truths to know about the first months of a child, go good luck

4. When he’s not crying, he’s eating

If you breastfeed her, you’ll have the impression of looking more and more like a dairy cow, her teats permanently out, her mouth plugged into you like a USB stick on your computer. Do you know what a nursing crack is? It’s one of the words to never type on Google so as not to be traumatized for life.

5. He doesn’t know who you are

You expect to be the most important person for him, because damn it’s still you who carried him for 9 months, and who gave him life! But no, this little ingrate doesn’t care for the moment, all that matters to him is to have a full stomach and a clean diaper.

6. You’ll rack up fewer hours of sleep than you’ll ever get back.

Between the ordeal of giving birth (which is a bit boring, you have to admit), then the sleepless nights trying to figure out why your kid is constantly screaming, you’ve gone to never sleep properly again. Afterwards, it will be teeth, illnesses, nocturnal awakenings for no particular reason…

7. You will make yourself vomit on it

Well, baby vomit isn’t the worst thing, but the bigger it gets, the more consistent it is. And disgusting.

8. You will cry, a lot

Crying because you don’t know what to do to make him stop screaming, crying because you’ll feel like the worst mother in the world, crying because you want to go back to your “before life” with mojitos and desired sleepless nights… Thank you baby blues.

9. You will lose all social life

Once the friends and the family will have passed to see the masterpiece, you will find yourself alone, the father and you. But like really alone. Going out, at first, you forget (you’re too exhausted to think about it anyway), and your friends won’t even offer you aperitif plans anymore, because they know you’re too busy to pamper yourself. So that’s exactly what you need after all these events: a good murge. That’s why it’s much better to be able to bring your children back in the evening.

10. You will realize that you will never be alone again.

Now, no matter what, your child will always come before you. Are you tired and want to laze all day on your sofa while watching Netflix? He’s dead, take care of him first. But it doesn’t really matter, because now you know that you have become the most important person in the world for a human being, and that moreover, it is you who made it. And that’s not bad, isn’t it?

If there’s one piece of advice before you have a baby, it’s to enjoy sleeping, sleeping, sleeping and sleeping again, because that’s really the thing you’ll miss the most for the years to come. True story. Now all you have to do is deny all your principles of young parents.

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