When you step into the sweet world of parenthood, you’re not just surrounded by love, glitter, the smell of old diapers and poo. You are also surrounded by new anxieties, missed nights, stress, and that clearly prevents you from pioncer properly. Bah had to think about it before huh, sorry not sorry.
1. Growing teeth
- 1 1. Growing teeth
- 2 2. Your kid’s illnesses
- 3 3. Bills piling up
- 4 4. The stress of everyday life
- 5 5. The words of others
- 6 6. Your baby in the middle of the bed
- 7 7. Your leaky breasts
- 8 8. Your lochia
- 9 9. Your baby who doesn’t understand the difference between day and night
- 10 10. Your boyfriend who snores easily
You thought you were a bit cushy because, oh joy, your baby is finally sleeping through the night? So yes, he doesn’t necessarily wake up every two hours to eat anymore, but there are other things that can prevent him from sleeping, in particular his fucking teeth which have decided to point at his slobbering gums, and which wakes him up as much as before. Very good.
2. Your kid’s illnesses
No teeth in sight coming out, no need for a bottle at 3 a.m., but he still wakes up because he has a gastrointestinal attack, the fault of community life in a municipal nursery. Here you are up every hour to change the sheets full of vomit, your face in bulk. But don’t worry, soon you’ll also be spending the night in the toilet bowl, cursing yourself for not washing your hands after changing the last diaper full of diarrhoea.
3. Bills piling up
Since he’s sick all the time right now, you plan to take a loyalty card from your pediatrician, then you have to stock up on diapers, ah and then he took 3cm in a month and all his clothes are too small and you still have to crash. You’re starting to wonder if you should resell your kid on the black market to save a little.
4. The stress of everyday life
Tidy up your barracks all the time, otherwise you can’t put a foot on the ground, do laundry, otherwise you won’t have a single clean bodysuit, manage the job, call your boss again to say that you can’t come because your offspring is sick, put up with your mother-in-law and her shitty advice, stall all the medical appointments for the whole family, go shopping, have a sex life… Where is the rope again?
5. The words of others
You’re in your bed, everyone is finally asleep, you’re exhausted, and it’s the moment your brain prefers to make you think about the shitty thoughts you may have heard about your way of educating your kid, when you don’t give a damn about it all the rest of the day. But there, at 2 a.m., it clearly prevents you from pioncer.
6. Your baby in the middle of the bed
Co-sleeping is great, at least you don’t have to get up at night, bla-bla-bla. Yeah it also means that you have a little thing that sleeps with you and spends the night doing somersaults in its sleep and kicking you, and you find yourself at 5 a.m. with a little foot in the eye, without being able to pioncer.
7. Your leaky breasts
You breastfeed her on demand, and your breasts are constantly producing breast milk. You sometimes find yourself waking up in the middle of the night soaking wet like you’ve opened the valves, having to sleep with a bath towel to soak it all up.
8. Your lochia
You just gave birth and you’re peeing blood, you know it’s normal, except you didn’t plan it would be this bad, and you have to change the sheets every time you sneeze.
9. Your baby who doesn’t understand the difference between day and night
It’s normal huh, he’s still very small, but he hasn’t quite grasped the concept of day and night yet, and he loves to take long naps in the afternoon and dance the lambada as long as the sun goes to bed. While for the rest of the inhabitants of the planet including you, it is clearly the opposite.
10. Your boyfriend who snores easily
Because he doesn’t have lochia, because he’s not breastfeeding, because he doesn’t have leaky breasts, and because his paternity leave only lasted 10 days and he is already back at work, while you have to chain sleepless nights, your kid stuck to your bosom, your T-shirt smelling of curdled milk, with a good baby-blues, just to add a layer.
Come on, good luck, it seems that we find our sleep 6 years after giving birth to a child. It’s not that long, six years (did you find that damn rope?)