Let it be said: life with a large family is one hell of an adventure, something you can’t understand without having experienced it, a unique way of life full of little surprises. Here is a non-exhaustive top of the scenes you have already experienced if your parents are not the kings of contraception too.
1. Family photos are a nightmare
- 1 1. Family photos are a nightmare
- 2 2. You never see your new clothes again.
- 3 3. Actually no, you never have new clothes
- 4 4. You know cold showers
- 5 5. Have you ever experienced the remote control war?
- 6 6. You already had a “chore schedule”
- 7 7. You have been called dozens of times by the wrong first name.
- 8 8. The minivan is a religion
- 9 9. The space in the car, by the way, let’s talk about it!
- 10 10. You have already hazed the youngest
And in general a disaster. Between the baby who starts crying, your little brother chasing the dog, your sister who asks for 10 takes because it was not her good profile, or your mother who did not run fast enough after starting the self-timer : it usually takes you an afternoon. Even half a day. To, in the end, keep the first. Also works for endless family meals.
2. You never see your new clothes again.
And strangely, when you ask “who has seen my new marinière?” “, nobody’s answering. You will find it ten months later, in your sister’s dressing room. Excuse most often used and yet the least acceptable: “it’s the parents who put it in my closet”.
3. Actually no, you never have new clothes
Unless you’re the first child. The others collect the things your brothers and sisters no longer carry. It’s nice and eco-friendly when you’re only a year apart and you change size every year; but after a certain age, you just end up with the old-fashioned stuff that they don’t want anymore because they don’t look like anything anymore. Nice.
4. You know cold showers
You know it, you, that moment when you wait naked in the shower for the water to warm up. And that never comes. Blame it on your big sister who took a hot bath, your mother who washed her hair, your little brother who turned off the tap badly, and your father, who takes a thirty-minute shower to decompress after gardening .
5. Have you ever experienced the remote control war?
It is a battle of rare violence, where all shots are allowed. A single objective: to be the owner of the TV program of the evening. Several techniques to win the title: the violent, with fingernails driven into the opponent’s hand, but which generally ends in punishment. The TV will eventually stay off. Or the smart one: hide the remote in a safe place, like between the two sofa cushions, and impose yourself as the savior of movie night. Good game !
6. You already had a “chore schedule”
Monday you clear the table, Tuesday you vacuum, Wednesday Nathan takes out the trash, and Thursday Lucie has to empty the dishwasher. On paper: it’s a good idea, introduced by your parents in a search for equality and mutual aid. In practice: it’s like the resolutions of January, it takes 2 days, then it ends in a fight. And as a punishment from TV. Once again.
7. You have been called dozens of times by the wrong first name.
When it’s a teacher, an uncle or a friend of your parents, accept you. But damn, when it comes from your own father, it sucks!
8. The minivan is a religion
Also nicknamed the “mini-bus” by your friends. You assume until college. Then you ask your parents to leave you 100 meters before the parking lot. Let’s face it, in large families, we have other priorities than changing the car. As long as it rolls: we keep. At first, it passes. But when the car is older than your 15-year-old little sister and it makes more noise than your dad when he snores, you start to assume average. Height of shame: your parents opted for a multipla. (Know that this is considered sufficient grounds to seek emancipation.)
9. The space in the car, by the way, let’s talk about it!
Another war that only you, child of a large family, can know! Between the middle seat, dreaded by everyone for the lack of comfort it offers with its two “clicks” that dig into your buttocks, the back seat, neglected for its lack of practicality and distinction (we’ve seen more glam’ as getting out of the boot), and the front seat: the ultimate holy grail that everyone is fighting over; it quickly becomes a happy mess. Here too, two techniques: ask the leases the day before, at the table, way to impose yourself by taking your parents to witness. Or run fast. Very quickly. Faster than all the others. Sit down. And lock the door.
10. You have already hazed the youngest
Or you’ve already been hazed, if you’re the youngest. The classic: you were made to believe that you were adopted. Or found in a trash can. The less loyal: you were blamed for a bullshit that was not yours. The funniest: you were made to believe anything, and you ran into it. For example, I told my little sister that to stand straight, she had to squeeze a grain of corn in her fist until it germinated; and that the pressure exerted by his hand would muscle his back. She tied it in her hand with duct tape for a whole day. We took the opportunity to bring him to the bar, to the restaurant and in all possible public places. I still can’t get over it.