If you follow the news a bit, you may have noticed that we had just discovered a brand new coral reef on the Tahiti side at the beginning of 2022. Well, said like that we could not give a damn but no, it’s great news since when we discover a new one we generally smash it very quickly, like the Great Barrier Reef as well as the other most beautiful coral reefs in the world. world. So we’re going to review the best methods for properly fucking a coral reef, because that’s clearly what this stuff is for.
1. Drill it for oil
Contents
- 1 1. Drill it for oil
- 2 2. Shoot nearby
- 3 3. Run a liner aground on it
- 4 4. Open it to Instagrammers
- 5 5. Bury nuclear waste in it
- 6 6. Open a jet ski rental next door
- 7 7. Build the largest yacht parking lot in the world
- 8 8. Throw liters of sunscreen on it
- 9 9. Dig a Suez Canal annex into it
- 10 10. Organize the next World Cup there
When you don’t have too much race like the oil companies, you don’t care if a natural place is protected or deserves to remain intact if there is a tiny chance of finding a few liters of oil there. The method has proven itself on several occasions so you can always go and drill its little mouth to see if it hides oil, there won’t be much left after the fact.
2. Shoot nearby
What better way to pollute and ruin a natural place than to organize a shoot there? Few things, as we showed you with the shoots that really screwed up, it pollutes this kind of event quite a bit. Vehicles in shambles, stars moving around in yachts and teams dropping their coffee cups to the bottom of the sea, classic.
3. Run a liner aground on it
Well we’re not going to lie to each other, the best way to pollute something is to sink a liner or a tanker carrying oil. First the weight of the ship will deform the ground and cause the aquatic plants to die, but in addition, with a little chance, the fuel tank will spill out and destroy everything that had survived. It’ll add some creepy stuff to the bottom of the oceans as well.
4. Open it to Instagrammers
There are quite a few natural places threatened by Instagrammers and a coral reef ticks all the boxes: it’s beautiful, colorful, full of life and it’s near a heavenly destination. In short, it makes pretty pictures for the networks and in a few months there is no doubt that the reef will be well smashed as it deserves.
5. Bury nuclear waste in it
It’s always a big hassle to decide what to do with nuclear waste, for example we thought about sending it into space, but it’s expensive. A new coral reef is a boon to FINALLY solve this problem we can bury everything under it and tell ourselves that if it’s deep enough it will never come back to us. A technique that has never failed us.
6. Open a jet ski rental next door
The jet-ski is super fun, and it pollutes a lot. Add to that motorboat rentals for water-skiing and wake-boarding and you’ve got a good way to kill the seabed slowly. Well it won’t be the fastest technique I grant you, but with a little patience we will get the desired result.
7. Build the largest yacht parking lot in the world
You see all those American stars who give lessons at the Oscars to preserve the planet but spend their time in yachts? Well it is for them that we could build a huge parking lot for yachts (a port if you prefer). In addition it brings beautiful people in the corner, it’s nice.
8. Throw liters of sunscreen on it
A good classic that pollutes as it should and that we let everything pass quietly: sunscreen. Because it would be a shame to get burned when you bask your big ass on a beach all day, you might as well coat yourself with this product before going to rinse yourself in the water and destroy the whole ecosystem.
9. Dig a Suez Canal annex into it
Ok geographically it’s not at all the same area, but who cares, the goal is just to smash the reef. Digging an annex of the Suez Canal directly into the coral reef of Tahiti is probably the best idea ever proposed in a top, whatever experts and geographers say.
10. Organize the next World Cup there
In two words: blow up everything to make stadiums and car parks, potentially letting the workers who work on them die in the most total indifference. If it happened for Qatar, there’s no reason it shouldn’t happen here.