How Parents Can Stay Intimate During Quarantine Even With Kids at Home
I wake up with a sharp knee that kicks me in the back and I turn to see my toddler lying peacefully between my husband and me. With one eye open, I push her towards the side of her father’s bed, and I pull the covers over my head to try a few more minutes to close my eyes.
“Guess what? It’s Monday.” I hear my husband’s sleeping voice drifting towards me, muffled by the blankets that cover my head.
Monday. This is the day we have planned for sex, a weekly date for the two of us – made much more complicated by orders to stay at home with three children ages 3, 6 and 8. Not only is sex Monday through – make the list – literally, it’s on my Do! application – we often decide to try sex during the day because we are too exhausted after bringing the children to bed.
Later in the afternoon we start the new Trolls film and give our kids a big bowl of popcorn to keep them occupied. We make sure the bass is on the TV and head to our bedroom. To complicate matters, we have to position ourselves with one foot on the door at all times – we don’t have a lock on the door to our room, and it’s not exactly the time to go to the hardware store right now. moment.
Sex planning has proven to be perfect for both of us. Sex once a week is manageable at the moment, and it gives us something to hope for. It also helps us keep track of the days of the week, when each day seems to merge into one giant spot. We believe that we remain better connected, although we are in pandemic crisis mode. Being intimate with each other through sex gives us a bit of normalcy at a time when nothing seems really normal anymore, and it’s also great stress relief and a day reminder.
Living in a small townhouse means that we need to be creative with sex during the day. We make sure that we are fast and silent and that the children have a consuming activity to occupy them. If they ask where we are going, we say we are resting together.
Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., professor of human sexuality at the University of Florida and author of Guide to a tired woman for passionate sex believes that planning sex is a great way to make sure you enjoy having sex with your partner on a regular basis. “It’s a stressful time for most couples, especially those who have children at home,” she says. “It is also a time when, due to stress and lack of usual routines, sex can easily become something that just doesn’t happen. , unless provided. “
According to Dr. Mintz, most sex therapists recommend planning sex even in the absence of quarantine – especially when one or both couples regularly feel tired, stressed, or overwhelmed. “The couple are then encouraged to discuss and decide on their ideal frequency – and to set aside a time that is suitable for their meetings,” she said.
Weekdays don’t seem to matter at the moment, but my husband and I always take weekends away from work and enjoy extra family time with the kids. Once Monday arrives, it feels like we’re back to the routine – and that’s why we chose Monday as the day for sex. We also make sure to check in with each other on Monday, if one of us is really overwhelmed and not interested in sex, then we find another way to be intimate together, like watching a movie while cuddling or playing a game before bed. “It is important to be gentle with yourself and not be in the same place as before the pandemic,” says Dr. Mintz.
As for whether it is stupid or risky to have sex when the children are at home and awake, Dr. Mintz believes it is important to experiment and see what works for both partners. The smaller the house or apartment, the more difficult it can be to sneak in at the moment, but nothing is impossible with a little innovative thought and distraction – in our house, the time spent in front of the screen is the way to go foolproof. “I strongly suggest that they make sure the kids are busy and lock the bedroom door, or if there is no lock, put something there to prevent entry,” says Dr. Mintz.
“Accepting the idea of regular sex also means dispelling the myth that sex should be spontaneous,” says Dr. Mintz. I would also add that scheduled sex can be just as exciting and exciting as spontaneous sex.
For some of us, sneaking can be a source of anxiety, but for me, it adds an extra thrill. Accessing a little of our playful side was a much-needed distraction when I usually spend the day planning second-year science experiments and providing an endless supply of snacks. It is as if we are younger and more adventurous versions of ourselves – at least for one day a week.